THE HANGMAN'S NOOSE IS ON MY MIND.....
NO REPRIEVES TODAY.....IT GOES TO THE WIRE
Darlington 1 Farsley Celtic 1
Vanarama National League North - 2nd May 2022
Today's results as they affected the inmates on Death Row were...
Darlington 1 Farsley Celtic 1
Guiseley 1 Spennymoor 0
Southport 1 Telford 1
The table.....as it stands for those on Death Row....
Farsley 41 - 37 (-39)
Telford 41 - 36 (-17)
Guiseley 41 - 35 (-37)
Next weeks games to decide who finally falls through the trap-door to endure the dangling dance of choking neck-breaking death.....
Farsley v Boston
Telford v York
Alfreton v Guiseley
So, this really is about as shit as it gets for the fans of Farsley, Telford and Guiseley....the walk to the gallows has been a long one for all three sides and next Saturday one of these three sorry Clubs will plunge through the trap-door and swing from cruelest relegation rope of all.....
For this is not a nice trap-door to fall through. As below it lies the living hell of the eternal nightmare that is the Northern Premier League....a footballing incarnation of Death Row where the likes of South Shields and Warrington, remain condemned, rotting in steel barred cells with only those uncomfortable little metal toilets to relieve themselves on. A last fateful walk to the electric chair, firing squad, gas chamber or the lethal injection lounge are the only remaining fixtures on your list.
The likes of Shields and Warrington have waited in vain for years for the Supreme Court ruling which will release them from the seemingly unending agonies of EvoStick madness. But it still isn't coming for these great Clubs. And I am sorry to have to tell them that it never will. Their torment will continue, year after year, after year, after year....until finally their spirit will break, the will to live will evaporate and they will jump, demoralised and hopeless, onto the electrified fence which will end their pain once and for all.
I tell you now, I'd rather cover my old body in the finest and stickiest adhesive products available in the entire EvoStick range and glue my own sorry bollocks to the hull of the fucking Titanic than plunge back into the cold, anonymous and unforgiving misery of Step 3 football. I'd rather go down with my balls glued to the side of a doomed and stricken ocean liner than ever have to cart my sorry arse to Mickleover ever again.
Put quite simply Kennedy Digie's equaliser for Farsley today was a header from a corner put onto the edge of the box by Will Hayhurst. It put the sides level just before half-time. But when you really think about it, Digie's master blast was probably the greatest headed goal ever scored by a player from an away team at Darlington.
The power Digie put on the ball would have carried Richard Branson, Elon Musk and all those other wierd fucking space traveller twats to Uranus and back.
Digie's header had the venom of a Polaris missile, the accuracy of a dam-buster and the explosive power of a thermo-nuclear strike the likes of which sad bastards like Vladimir Putin can only dream of. Digie rose handsomely at the edge of the box to met Hayhurst's cross full on with a thunder-bolt header which crashed into the roof of the Darlington goal.
What ever else happens this season, a truly memorable goal had just been witnessed.
Digie was quite simply awesome today. I am childless, senile and about to celebrate my 70th birthday. I am though keen to meet a woman who will provide me with a daughter who I hope will marry this awesome centre-half before I die and before his loan spell from Altrincham ends. My dream would be that they lived and loved happily together producing an army of awesome centre-halfs for Russ Wilcox's Green and White Army....
Digie's goal on the stroke of half-time equalised Tyrone O'Neill's 19th minute opener for Darlington. But neither the Celts or the Quakers could find a winner and it ended all square at Darlington today. Both sides put a shift in and there was little to choose between them. If anything, I thought Farsley shaded this one.
Farsley had the chance to snatch the lead on the 64th minute when Mulhern's effort hit the post and Greaves follow up was saved by Taylor in the Darlington goal. But it ended honours even. Possibly a life-line point for the Celts given the results at Guiseley and Southport....who knows. Still, everything to play for next week.
As ever, there was a warm, welcome and friendly reception for Farsley fans at Darlington. They have a wonderful set up at Blackwell Meadows, a great fan base and all at Farsley wish them well next season....we just hope we'll be in the same League.
If not dangling on the rope just yet, all of the bottom three are fighting for their lives. Guiseley did their survival hopes the power of good defeating Spenymoor and Telford did well to get a point at Southport.
So it goes to the final day....right down to the wire.
Farsley entertain Boston who are still in with a shout of a play-off spot. Telford are at home to York who have booked their place in this seasons play-offs courtesy of revenues raised by Dick Turpin and the other thieving owners of this Club. Guiseley travel to Alfreton who have play-off ambitions of their own.
It's too close to call.....just too close to call.
Guiseley could easily cheat the hangman....Telford and Farsley have to match or better their result to be sure of survival.
It will be a breathtaking end to the season.....but that rope feels uncomfortably tight around my neck.